Posted by: dougery | May 14, 2010

Looks Like Somebody Has a Bad Case of the ‘Sposed tas’

I don’t subscribe to the philosophy of ‘Where You’re Supposed to Be.”

Obviously, life puts you in a bunch of positions where you “have to be,” this is different. Elementary school, middle school, college, these are all generally have-tos. Even the latter is sort of a kinda. I admire folks who forgo University altogether and go right into building custom mountain bikes or carpentry or kung-fu journalism or hacking or whatever. There is a certain honor in finding your own way. Then again I also really enjoy learning from the best minds in the business, and this pretty much means college.

But then after college there are the Fight Club sposed tas. Where Durden asks his theoretical father, “What do I do now, Dad?” The reply is of course, “I don’t know… get married.” And then have a wheelbarrow full of kids. And on down the line to a fitter, happier, more productive life. Being careful to never wash spiders down the plug-hole. And I do apologize for all of the allusions in this rambling post. Just one of them days.

But real life doesn’t work this way, or it shouldn’t, which I guess is the Fight Club argument. There isn’t really any such thing as fate, nor is their a big invisible God hand directing you where you need to be. I’m under the assumption that there are an infinite number of alterna-me, and that they are all doing a variety of different things according to the infinite number of tiny decisions I’ve had to make over the course of my life. That would mean in a great many of these alterna-timelines, I’m dead. Or the President of the United States. Or an irradiated super-villain named Prepostero wreaking havoc on the good people of Topeka. In a fortunate few I was able to meet Lara. Which is nice because she is of a different persuasion.

Lara believes that things need to be done in steps. One cannot have pet cats until you’ve met your man. Then there’s the whole getting a job in one’s chosen field and getting married part. But there shall be no childrens until you are ‘where you are supposed to be.’ In this case in a house and Back East.

Now a point of clarification. There is no judgment in the above paragraph. I’m damned happy Lara has such a practical philosophy. Opposites attract and make each other stronger and all that. And deep down, most of me agrees with her. About moving Back East that is. Babies, well, I’ve swung full circle on that one. They are no longer as important as they once were. But it would be nice to have a house. And Back East is where our families are, our siblings and parents and in some cases, grandparents. It would be nicer to be close to them. Plus, it would be theoretically easier for Lara to get further in her chosen field if she were closer to the Bostons and NYCs of the world.

For the past few Summers we have intended to make the big move Back East. The economy has had other plans. For the moment we are both happy with our jobs, and have jobs, and enjoy the city we currently live in, so there has been little pressure to get gone. But I’m beginning to think, that if we are really serious about this, one of these Summers were just going to have to go. Because that is what people do.

People do things without safety-nets. My friend C and his girl recently moved from NYC to San Diego, with no jobs, no apartment, no family in the suburbs. To the best of my knowledge they are alive and well. My college friend K graduated and moved out to San Francisco under similar circumstances. People, again, this is my understanding, have children all the time, sometimes under more difficult situations than Lara and I find ourselves in.

Because Lara and I are lucky. We have a great group of friends and a family that not only tells us to do what we want but would be there for us if what we wanted completely sucked and became something else. We have a mobile safety net, so maybe we actually are ‘where we are supposed to be’?

You know, if I believed in that sort of thing.

Now back to my ultimate life goal of merging all of my alterna-me into a undead presidential super-villain. “Ask not what your country can do for you, but how you can decimate the population of a mid-sized city in Kansas.”

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