Posted by: dougery | June 7, 2012

The Correct Answer is Never Vinnie Testaverde

Fun little nugget of trivia: I am terrible at trivia.

Yesterday evening after several weeks of busy Wednesday evenings, L and I were finally able to meet up for ‘Trivia Night’ at a bar. The venue is very unfortunately located just north of Fenway Park and we made the potentially disastrous decision to drive to the venue and attempt to find parking. Of course there was a Sawx game and the resulting traffic was something akin to trying to ride a camel through the eye of a needle. One of the dark deities L and I prayed to in our time of need (note: they accept four-letter words as worship) paid dividends and we inexplicably found a metered spot on Boylston, a street named, I can only assume, from the combination of ‘boil’ and ‘Satan’ as in when there is a Sawx game going on, driving on this street is about as pleasant as a boil on Satan’s ass. Still, we ended up paying $1.13 to park the rest of the evening in an area where the local gas stations cram cars into all available spaces for a cool $40.

But I came here to talk about trivia, son. As in how horribly bad I am at it. I don’t consider myself a stupid person, there are plenty of things I know that are the product of much book learning and endless pop-cultural wading. The problem, as I see it, is the fact that all of these facts pile up and then get continuously stacked upon. The original facts, like layers of sediment in a creek-bed, get smooshed and bent and turn from mud to, like, shale or something. The end result being I am 100% certain of things which aren’t in fact true. At least not in this timeline.

Round one of trivia was a ‘warm-up’ round. It was supposed to be gimmes. My brother and I tag-teamed for Q1, which was looking for an actress born in Italy, who sang dinner theater before breaking into Hollywood and getting supporting noms for 3 films: Junebug, Doubt and The Fighter. I’d seen the former, my brother the latter and we made a good guess. Hurray, Amy Adams was finally good for something! The following question was a shallow draw from ‘Comic Books,’ the answer to which I managed to write down and walk the hundred feet through the crowded bar and hand to the dude before he had even finished the first few words. We were feeling pretty good. Q3 though…

“Which president was the only man elected to 2 non-consecutive terms?”

My brain yelled “Duh, it’s Garfield!” This was not, of course, the correct answer. The correct answer being a combination Sesame Street Muppet post-industrial city in Ohio (and no, not Elmo Cincinnati). The correct answer which I totally knew! or at least I once did. Yet my brain let me down. The traitor. Q4 was another softball. “Which NBA team moved to OKC to become the Thunder?” I don’t really follow the NBA but I was again 100% certain I knew the answer. The answer, which was not The Portland Trailblazers that I oh-so confidently wrote down.


And that was the easy round. Round 2 found us wiffing on all four questions and our team sank to last place. Last place! Granted the whole tournament/game ran on an honor system of not using PDAs for help and there were clearly teams peeking under tables at glowy screens while we remained stubbornly honorable, but still. The third round grew increasingly difficult and precise, inquiring after the exact year SNL began, the exact depth in miles of the Mariana Trench, and a Brett Favre question worded in such a way that had us guessing Vinnie Testaverde, yeah, you just read that sentence.

L, it should be noted, was reserved and often right. She showed her range in movie trivia, nailing a Wizard of Oz question (which the group ultimately did not go with because we’re dumb) as well as a Bend It Like Beckham one, which was one of the few we got right towards the end. Failures aside, I had a lot of fun ‘doing’ trivia which is an odd phrase since it was more like trivia nearly all night long, perhaps forcefully, had its way with me.

Reading: Saga #3



  1. I would also like to go on record that I knew the answer to the comic question, son.

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