Posted by: dougery | September 25, 2012

Of Skateboards and Business Suits

This is a story all about how my life got flipped turned upside… no, wait, wrong story.

This is story about how I got yelled at for being a pedestrian. A pedestrian whose wardrobe, apparently, causing signifying problems amongst passersby. But I’m getting a little ahead of myself.

Boston, unlike Buffalo, NYC, Chicago and other American cities I have spent significant time in, has terrain. In particular the university I work at is located on a sizable hill. This geological fact is reinforced every day as I approach or leave my department’s building. A monumental flight of stone steps welcomes visitors from the east side of the hill which is my approach. This is why I don’t bike to work as to do so would require me to double my distance traveled and surmount the hill from the gentler sloping west side, and the time spent would pretty much be a wash.

Anyhow, yesterday I was walking down these same stone steps which let out on a fairly busy street. The street wraps around the southeastern edge of the hill toward blind intersection problematic enough to get one of those rare stoplight changes where when pedestrians are cleared to cross, they are okay to do so in every direction all at once. Basically the intersection becomes a temporary herd of professors, students, staff and other lost souls eager to get home as swiftly as possible. As the little white man of safe passage lit up on all the street corners I heard from behind me, and up the gradual slope of the busy street behind me, the telltale low hum of advancing skateboarders.

What happened next was as hilarious as it was inevitable. I walked out into the intersection as the first skateboarder zoomed by behind me. The other one I didn’t see, but I did hear him lose his deck, his feet slapping hard on the concrete. This was followed by a whiny scream,

“Fuck! I just got totally fucked. Business suit totally fucked me!”

I glanced over my shoulder as I was almost on the opposite side of the street to see a man who was probably too old to be skateboarding through a busy intersection at rush hour, certainly too old to lose his temper so easily and thoroughly. He wore a green and black checker plaid flannel over carhartt pants and had a thick black beard. His buddy gave him shit for stumbling whereupon I saw Ragey point at me and yell,

“Was totally fucked by Business suit over there. Not even wearing a business suit and he fucked me!”

Probably a good time to describe what I was in fact wearing. A gray hoodie over a pair of skinny jeans and pumas. Granted I did have a dress shirt on under my sweatshirt, but it was entirely covered. I suppose my shoulder bag might softly whisper ‘I have books and papers necessary to do work’ but I don’t really see the business end, let alone the suit side of Ragey’s observation. Bear in mind that I also have a permanent faux-hawk, this is my hair’s natural state, my hair simply won’t do anything else unless forced to by products and or hates. Which is to say not exactly the business suity-est of hairstyles.

So yeah, that was my exciting walk home yesterday evening. What will today’s hold? More metaphorical penetrative intercourse with high-strung strangers? One can only hope.

Listening to: Elite Gymnastics Ruin

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